Indians, irrespective of their GPS coordinates, will not be ok for a while. I find myself flitting between getting on with my daily life against an overarching background of comatose shock/grief/numbness. Even my laughter sounds empty and hollow. My best friend feels a form of survivor’s guilt, which I don’t relate to, but I feel a sense of bewildering emptiness and helplessness.
How many more will die?
Experiencing any death in the family especially if you are young, is traumatic. Personally, a parent’s death defined who I became as a person. Half my life’s struggles can be put down to this single inability to accept that people die and don’t abandon you. I am complete as a person, and I don’t need anyone to complete me is a lesson that took me too long to learn.
Now there are potentially thousands (hundreds of thousands?) of children who have joined my childhood.
Like many, I turn to my faith, Hinduism. And I wanted to write about this now because for me to be Indian is also to be Hindu.
My Hindu identity
Many people think that Hindu’s are somehow embarrassed about their religion or weird. It’s much worse than that: no two Hindus are alike, and even in my household, I practice Hinduism differently to my family.
I firmly believe that you do not need to visit a temple or perform any religious shenanigans to be a good Hindu. Going on a pilgrimage, to (e.g.) Kumbh Mela, with or without COVID-19, is irrelevant to my existence as a Hindu.
The millions of people that attended this year that do this in the name of Hinduism are not recognizable by me.
Because even though I am Hindu, it does not absolve me of the responsibility to wear a mask and socially distance or take a vaccine. I hear stories of PCR tests being “fixed” because people want to get on a flight and not pay Rs 1,200.
Be in no doubt; in my book, this is a crime against humanity. Over and above being Hindu, I am my brother’s keeper.
Being Hindu has changed my perspective of many things. E.g. you may believe adultery is a sin. I don’t. Adultery is a social construct that is designed to protect property rights.
Going back to being Hindu
The only thing that Hindus agree to is that we are all seeking moksha (enlightenment), a break from this constant cycle of birth and rebirth. I believe that we are all here to learn something (e.g.) patience, kindness, discipline, and until we haven’t learnt this, we can’t move up the chain of evolutionary enlightenment.
I kid you not, literally, we do not agree about anything else.
Do I believe in God?
Yes, I have unwavering faith in two Hindu gods. I am not entirely persuaded or sure that they are on my side. Also, I don’t believe God will ever lift a finger to help me; however, I beg or plead or pray.
And both these sentiments are symptomatic of being Hindu. Daily, being Hindu relates to the struggle within and how I manage my actions to be conscious. I couldn’t care less about the outside world if it is not a result of my conscious effort.
Herein lies my problem.
We do not live in Lord Ram’s time. I don’t think Hinduism supports social order as it does spiritual enlightenment. It offers me no “answers” in making sense of what is happening in India now.
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