In today’s blog, I am going to share with you a few of (a much longer list of products) that when I see, I think,
“Oh, this is in the sale or this is a special edition pair of shoes or this is so unique, I should buy it.”
Some of the list are just here because I am not quite sure why they were ever made.
In the words of that famous, fictious, male chauvinist, abhorrent and world-famous Kazakh journalist, Borat,
“Enjoy.”
The piñata shoes
The official Dolce & Gabanna product name is, “Bianca raffia trimmed embellished printed patent.”
With such a ridiculously long and pretty inaccurate description, I am glad products are assigned 16 digit SKU numbers.
Also, with the colour palette – yellow, white and red – this just reminds me of Mexico and frankly, the “pinata shoes” are a more accurate description.
COVID-19 has thrown an unforgiving light on the stupidity of the design of these shoes. If I wanted my feet to be whacked with a giant big stick (like a piñata), I would be wearing wellington boots and not this crime against fashion. I will pass on them.
Roja Parfum Fig Candle
Sorry, Roja Parfum – I know I am not your target audience, but I am not (i) ordering this during a lockdown, as this is not an “essential” product like diabetes medication or (ii) paying GBP 95 (US$ 120). I will stick to Jo Malone’s Peony and Blush suede candle at US$ 67. Thank you very much.
Louis Vuitton Airpods
After the group that owns LVMH fired over 3,000 + Sephora staff in the USA, I am not inclined to buy anything from LVMH for a while. Even if I don’t take the moral high ground, the price puts me off…GBP 940 (US$ 1,185) without a lifetime warranty.
Honestly, why wouldn’t I buy anything made from B&O? It’s infinitely more stylish, actually has better sound quality and is cheaper at Euros 300 (or US$ 330).
D&G Lori Leo Strass Slingback Sandals
I have a very soft corner for slingbacks – over 40% of my shoes are slingbacks, which I love because they are light and allow you to move with great speed.
I’ll consider buying any slingbacks in the sale, but just look at the hideous amount of crystal on these shoes…
Imagine if you were a real-life leopard and you went to the next Jungle Away Day convention. All the other wild cats, meerkats would have a field day singing, “I’ve lost my stealth, under the wealth of my extra weight. Sing ho! It’s the life of a leopard in bling!”
P.S. For some reason beyond me, Ounass is delivering during the lockdown.
Prada Punto Stoffa Wool Knit Coat
I am trying to imagine the raison d’etre for this coats existence. Could it be that a Prada decree was issued along the lines of, “let’s focus on sustainable fashion?”
Dumb and Dumber are in charge of design and think, let’s embellish this orange coat with a green fern. What could be more sustainable than Amazon foliage? How could narangi and green not appeal to Indians?
Despite my true blood patriotism, I’ll be passing on this.
Bottega Veneta Bubble Bag
This may be the ugliest bag I have ever seen.
I am sure “bubbles” are a theme that I, as an old person do not understand, but this is so awful that it hurts my eyes just looking at it.
Imagine, if you took it to a job interview with Anna Wintour or a first date? Neither would last long…